So, I really wanted to make this post into a rap.
I thought it would seem more interesting...
Unfortunately, I found out rather quickly that not many words rhyme with with words like "Phoenician"
and
"Hieroglyphs"
So, here goes a Timeline of Media!
(Complete with all the sarcasm that I assume you'd come to expect from me)
IN THE VERY BEGINING....
45, 000 B.C. - In modern- day Hungary, a Woolly Mammoth's tooth is carved. This carving was drawn by a Neandrathal. This is the earliest record we have of carvings.
40, 000 B.C. - The oldest cave painting is traced back to this date. It can be found in the El Castillo cave in Spain. I wonder if whoever did it got punished, because one time I colored green crayon all over our basement, and it was not considered a momumental historical discovery. People have no appreciation for self-expression anymore, I tell you...
23,000 B.C. - Math is found in a Ishango bone. This leads me to believe that the people of this society were dying... of boredom. Why else would they be doing math? It is believed to be a collection of the first set of prime numbers.
10,000 B.C.- Earliest lunar calendar is discovered in caves in France. The fact that a lunar calendar was developed shows the intelligence of the people at the time who were required to have knowledge of cycles of nature and mathematics.
3500 B.C. - Our story starts in Sumer and Elam, where pictographic writing began.
They used these creative symbols on clay tablets. Eventually, this method of writing turned into the Old Persian language.
3372 B.C. - This is the time when the Mayans started tracking, so that on December 21st we'd be packing! BAM! See what I just did, there? Threw a rhyme at you. Dang, I'm good.... The Mayan Calendar, along with that of the Aztecs, is the most complete and widely understood by Historians. Their timekeeping strategies lead us to believe that they understood the concept of linear time. However, since this is the most talked about Media thing on my timeline these days... I just couldn't help it... I needed to display several memes for your visual enjoyment. I narrowed myself down to three. You're very welcome.
3000 B.C. - Egypt develops heiroglyphic writing. This writing was greatly influenced by the Sumerian writing that I discussed two posts ago. It is a combination of logographic and alphabetic elements.
2700 B.C - Chinese makes ink out of the grossest combination ever: soot, lamp oil, musk and donkey skin gelatin. Seriously? Gelatin from donkey skin? How do you even think of that? GROSS. Poor donkeys, always getting a bad rep.... Who else has the word ass in their name? Nobody. Just donkeys. Poor little Jackasses...
Anyways, they used special ink brushes for the text application.That's all folks.
1700 B.C. - Alphabetic symbols appear in Canaan, written by Semites. The Semites are said to have been influenced by the Egyptian way of writing. They developed alphabetic symbols, but left out vowels. What a mystery! Call Scooby Doo! Or maybe Nicholas Cage, because he's wicked smart in those National Treasure movies.
1400 B.C. - The oldest record of writing is found in China upon bones and tortise shells. Boy, Mulan really led me astray. She's all nice to that little cricket of hers, but truly, he would've been killed in a second by the Chinese. First, the donkeys. Now, tortises. Where's PETA when you need 'em? The markings on the tortise shells were clear and purposeful, according to historians. This leads us to believe that the writing upon the shells were important, therefore hinting towards a very civilized lifestyle.
1250 B.C. - At this time, Moses brought down the Ten Commandment tablets from Mt. Sinai. This stresses the religious importance of writing at the time.
1200 B.C. - Egyptians use pidgeons for military messages. The Persians also used this way of communication. Pidgeons were trained to carry messages back and forth in a timely fashion. Fast little devils.
950 B.C. - The Bible's oldest books are written. According to Wiki, "the oldest record of the complete text survives in a Greek Translation called the Septuagint." These books complete the Old Testament.
800 B.C. - Greeks improve the alphabet, previous edited by the Semites. They solve the mystery of the missing vowels and add them in! They only write in capital letters.
776 B.C. - Those speedy little devils are at it again! Pidgeons are used to bring news of the Olympic people.
750 B.C. - Egyptians create a demotic writing, which is a cursive form that is made of heiroglyphs. It was used only for legal and commercial documents. While, heiroglyphs and hieratics were used for all types of writing, demotic was reserved for importance. Which totally reminds me! Do you know that kids aren't learning cursive anymore in school! Serioiusly? That makes sense though, they'll never have to write their signiture. Stupid.
600 B.C. - First appearance of Latin appeared by the Romans. Great, now I know who to thank... being raised Catholic, I've got a whole bunch of latin phrases commited to memory that I have no idea what they mean. I'm assuming they're all good though... I mean, they have to be, right? I learned them at church! It's a dead language but many scholars still learn it to feel special... Dona Nobis Pacem! See, there goes my IQ, shooting through the roof!
600 B.C. - A map of the known world, carved on clay tablets is made of Nivevah. This is the first map to date.
530 B.C. - A public library is made in Athens. It is said to have 200,000 volumes. It wasn't until Mark Anthony decided to fall stupidly in love and give away all the books to Cleopatra. This action of "love" emptied the shelves of library forever. I've got alot to learn from Cleopatra apparently, because no one has ever given me a library.
400 B.C. - The Greeks take a lesson from the Egyptians and begin to use carrier pidgeons. According to Wiki, "pigeons were effective as messengers due to their natural homing abilities."
386 B.C. - Plato founds the academy in Athens. In fact, he taught Aristotle for twenty years. The school was private, and not open to the public. Rather than teach, the academy posed large questions for the scholars to ponder, for the greater good of the group.
335 B.C. - The Lyceum, Aristotle's academy is formed. Aristotle, former student of Plato, taught someone else of greatness. In fact, he was so great that they attached it to his name : Alexander the Great. That's pretty cool that they keep discovering new cool people for the world. It's like how Akon found Lady Gaga, and she surpassed him in every way. Just saying.
63 B.C. - Marcus Tullius Tiro invents a shorthand system of writing. He called them Tironian notes. They were used mostly in clergies, but declined in usage after 1100.
28 B.C. - Rome builds two libraries: the Octavian and the Palatine. Julius Caesar had wanted to turn Rome into the Intellecual center of the world, however, unfortunately, his besties murdered him. Rough day. Fortunately, his dreams were carried out five years later by the building of these two great libraries.
OKAY!!! WHOAAAA!!! BLINK!!
We made it through the B.C.'s.
So, get up.
Stretch.
And look at this meme:
Here goes the rest of this shenanigan...
22
14 A.D. - Rome sets up a set of relay runners. These runners carried messages over 50 miles in a SINGLE day! Are you kidding me? I can barely run a mile without coughing up an entire lung.... then again, I am American.
25 A.D. - Mela publishes a map of the world with climatic latitudes. This came a long way from the Ninevah map.
65 A.D. - Mark writes his first gospel. This gospel describes the life of Jesus, displaying the importance of religious texts during this time. This is believed to be the first of the gospels.
70 A.D. - Matthew's gospel's estimated date. Interestingly enough, they do not name an author. It is largely based on the gospel of Mark.
100 A.D. - Roman courier go across the empire to deliver government mail. These messengers were usually paid well because of their importance in society.
230 A.D. - The Japanese begins keeping historical records. This occured during the Kofun period, when the Yamato court deemed it neccessary.
250 A.D. - The usage of paper spreads from China to the remainder of Central Asia. Papermaking is considered to be one of China's greatest inventions - and for good reason. I mean, even though it is VERY slowly becoming obsolete, we are still using it thousands of years later. Although Mulan was the greatest thing, by far, to come out of China... paper is still pretty cool.
350 A.D. - In Egypt, books made of parchment publish the Psalms in wood bound covers. Over and over again, we are shown the importance of religion in early text.
391 A.D. - Some person decided it would be a wonderful idea to destroy the Alexandrian Library! Thank you,
Pope Theophilus of Alexandria, for being an idiot. I apologize to you, even though you are dead, if you actually did not do it. But for the time being, I really dislike you. And I critized Mark Anthony for giving Cleopatra his whole library... good thing that was a waste anyway.... since it burned to the ground! This is such a sad story... it really belongs on the Hallmark Channel.
393 A.D. - 27 books of the New Testament are sanctioned by the Church, therefore, the Christian bible is complete. The guess is that this took place at the Synod of Hippo. However, this is merely a guess made by Christian scholars.
550 A.D. - The spread of Buddhism enters Japan. This leads to greater neccessity for book publishing, and increases literacy greatly in this broad area.
740 A.D. - The first of newspapers is printed in China. It was called the "Bulletin of the Court" and was read by government officials. It was written on the finest of silk because they were classy like that.
868 A.D. - China publishes the world's oldest block-printed book called "The Diamond Sutra". It is the oldest existing book, I assume, besides the Bible. I should read that, since I'm an English Major and all...
975 A.D. - The pidgeons make history once more! This time, they carry a cherry, which is significant becuase it was the first airmailed parcel. And that's pretty darn cool, if you ask me.
1140 A.D. - Egyptians take cloth from mummies in order to make paper. Apparently, there was a paper shortage big enough that they had to borrow it from the dead. That's stooping pretty low, if you ask me.
1140 A.D. - The University of Bologna opens as a place to study law. The focus on intellectual stimulus depicts the focus of intelligence at this time. Students were encouraged to broaden their minds and learn law by trade.
1148 A.D. - Anna Comnena wrote history of her people (the Byzantine empire). She was the daughter of the Byzantine emperor, which is awesome because she makes history as a woman, and that doesn't happen very often here. They also recgonize that the past holds importance.
1168 A.D. - Oxford University is founded. It is now the second oldest university in the entire world.
1298 A.D. - Marco Polo travels back to Europe and tells his people of the paper money in China. The people don't believe him. This shows how starkly different the media advances were in China, compared to the rest of the world.
1325 A.D. - The King Arthurian legends are written. They are believed to originally be written in Latin. This is monumental because books of non-religious importance are being written.
1340 A.D. - First Madrigal is formed. Although word of mouth stands as a very important aspect to the history of media, the first method of chamber music for pleasure stands as a great feature. This originated in Italy. Apparently the land of Spaghetti is known for something else too! 1440 A.D. - This marks the first date that Gutenberg may have experimented with the printing press. And you know, if you don't succeed, try, try, again! That is, until you die or get arrested! 1451 A.D. - The Printing Press successfully prints an old German poem prints. This marks success for Gutenberg and serves as a huge accomplishment for mankind!
1452 A.D. - Gutenberg begins printing the 42-line Bible in two volumes. Like we have seen many times before, religious documents hold an extreme importance in society.
1455 A.D. - A similar bible is printed in Germany. They are a little behind, because they used block print. It was named the "Biblia Paupernum" which is a mouthful, if you ask me.
1456 A.D. - Gutenberg's bible is bound. It contains 42 lines and was printed on 6 machines. Only 40 copies remain today, and when sold, are purchased at an extremely high price.
WOW. SIX HOURS LATER. I AM DONE....
The kind of depressing part? This will take you about 5 minutes to read.
I hope you learned something more than how Donkeys have it bad.
Don't judge my weirdness. It's 3:08 am.
