SEARCHING FOR THE LIGHT: A TIMETRAVELER'S REQUEST FOR THE TRUTH OF INTELLIGENCE

SENT FROM:

AGENT 983.628.493

CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY

DEPT. OF INTELLIGENCE SECURITY

12-12-2012

 

TO THE CHAIRMAN OF THE DEPARTMENT OF INTELLIGENCE SECURITY,

I am contacting you to discuss my current field operation. I was sent through the portal to the year of 2012 to observe the civilization's technological habits in order to hypothesize where humankind lost itself to the indefinite powers of self-aware technology. Our purpose, as the C.I.A., is to enlighten and promote the truth in order for a more secure universe. I have reason to believe that our time is most needed here, in 2012. I have traveled through time to find the turning point regarding the control of humans vs. computers. The turning point is here. Our troops must embark immediately through the portal to bring intelligence to all before it's too late. Now is the time to save humanity from our self-inflicted enslavement.

What I discovered will shock you. We are dealing with a problem much bigger than previously believed. It begins in a period that was referred to as simply “The Dark Ages” – a very bleak, yet fitting title. The power of Rome fell in the year 476. The world was at an economical standstill. For a moment, I regretted that the portal delivered me to such an austere era.

However, when the churches within the cities closed their doors, monasticism thrived in response. This forced the church to expand and preach to the rural areas. I was required to research the time period before my trip through the portal, but found our records to be flawed. I read that religion fell responsible for the dark destruction of the world at the time. However, what I witnessed in this ancient time was something greatly different. In this dark era, religion provided the only source of light in a barbaric time. They encouraged the discovery of truth.

The next trip through the portal took me to the late 17^th century, where a group of scholars formed a secret society. This society flourished in reason and science. This group made me believe that we were on the right path towards the discovery of truth or the cloud of intelligence, which we know is the ultimate goal.

The society started out well with inventions that could enlighten the entire population. They constructed machines that could find and deliver the truth to all. First, I watched the origin of print. I watched as a man by the name of Gutenberg worked on this powerful machine. He used it to create books of religion – books of truth. He enlightened the world with a gift of literacy. People of all classes began to read and could discover and interpret truth for themselves. However, as time went on, shiny little books called magazines and flimsy newspapers delivered the news to the people of the world. I thought this was a good idea, at first. The expansion of truth is our purpose, is it not? However, the newspapers and magazines were not created with the intention of spreading the entire truth. Government programs manipulated the papers and released only the news they wanted the population to receive. Even in 2012, the news cannot be trusted. The humans, however, do not know this. They take everything as fact, immediately. Those who doubt are ridiculed.

I then took the portal to the year 1872, where I befriended a gentleman by the name of Leland Stanford. I enjoyed his company quite well over my time in that era. We watched as his horse ran about a track; his hooves set off sensors that triggered cameras to capture the image. It was quite remarkable, really, for it lead to a revolution of documentation and entertainment. People would gather to view black and white pictures on a reel with no sound. I must admit I was rather bored while viewing this barbaric quality of film, but the excitement on the faces of the other citizens was rather satisfying. This led to the invention of television, where the humans could view shows and broadcasts from the comfort of their own home. Families gathered around the televisions as a method of bonding. It was a momentarily bright moment in the history. But as you know, this is soon to be overturned.

The travel I enjoyed the most was just before the 20^th century, where gentlemen began experimenting with sound waves and vibrations. The first man to create a radio station was by the name of Marconi. His name always reminded me of the dried pasta, but I didn’t think he would understand the reference. However, his work was very beneficial for the military, which was able to transfer clear signals without too much interference. Soon the radio began to broadcast general news and I believed we had reached a successful way to enlighten the people. Unfortunately, corruption put the radio stations in the dark and a few businesses owned the vast majority of stations. The situation was bleak and the news narrow-minded.  However, the citizens knew not of the filtered news they received.

The most powerful tool came next: the computer. We both know of this enemy well. However, at this point, computers were harmless to human beings for they lacked any sort of extreme knowledge. But as the years passed, computers grew stronger, faster, and smaller. No longer were they reserved for businesses, but families could own their own personal computer in their homes. The invention of the computer lead to further programs of influence, such as social media websites. Most importantly, however, their invention fed the desire of completing the cloud. Humans began to desire more knowledge and relied on their technology to do so – this is the stage we see so commonly in 2012. The technology soon surpassed the intelligence of the humans, and the rest, as you know, is history.

 For a moment, I believed that these inventions would add to the cloud of knowledge, but then I remembered how the story ends, for I have seen it. That is, unless we can change the people of 2012 and show them the light. Their government keeps them docile with things like fluoride-induced water and influenced media. They don’t even realize they are walking with their eyes forced shut, led by the hand of the government. They are sheep. They need the true cloud. The cloud will make them see their errors if we cannot reach them. The technology they love so much will soon overpower them – we’ve seen it and experiences the consequences. They carry the government with them everywhere they go in this little handheld device. They don’t go ten minutes without glancing at the little black screen. It has replaced all other inventions. It has a built in radio, television, and retrieves online news. The humans devote their time to this machine. It seems they grow attached to their own destruction.

I request that the C.I.A. sends more troops through the portal. We need to do something if we are to change the fate of the world.

I am sending this in code for fear of interception by the Computers. You can never be too safe.

-          AGENT 983.628.493

Shattered Glass Article

Georgie Smith, British Student, Swallows Toothbrush, But Doctors Allegedly Can't Find It

It was a harrowing case of teeth cleaning gone awry for one British teen who feared she might die after swallowing her toothbrush.

According to The Sun, 19-year-old Georgie Smith, of Brighton, East Sussex, felt the tooth brush slipping down her throat but couldn't do much to stop it. Smith, a student at Guildford University, has no gag reflex.

“I thought I was going to choke to death and was stunned when I [realized] it wasn’t stuck in my throat and I could breathe," Smith told the Sun. Doctors allegedly told the teen that there was nothing they could do, and she should just wait for "nature to take care of things."
“Nobody knows where it is as X-rays don’t show plastic. It could be dissolving in my intestines or may already have passed through," she said.

Future of College Courses

Picture the typical college classroom: metal desks, large textbooks, and an overhead filled with notes. Now, picture it empty: this is how colleges may be in twenty years due to the flexibility and accessibility that online colleges offer to prospective students. The advances in media allow students to interact with their teachers online, just as they would face-to-face in the classroom. If media keeps advancing like has even within the last ten years, online colleges will become the new academic norm.

 According to student enrollment, Phoenix University, an online college, boasts the largest student of enrollment in the United States at over 319,000. The Diverse: Issues In Higher Education magazine reports that The University of Phoenix Online awards more “associate, bachelor’s and master’s degrees to minorities than any other academic institution in the country.” On its website, the university states that “many of the conveniences that 21st-century students enjoy ― evening classes, flexible scheduling, continuous enrollment, a student-centered environment, online classes, digital library, computer simulations — were pioneered through University of Phoenix’s efforts.” These efforts paved the way for other online colleges to succeed by combining easy accessibility with desired degrees.

Many schools have noticed the growing popularity of online courses, and have started offering online options of their own. According to the Alfred P. Sloan Foundation, 87 percent of all colleges offer online programs, and all of those colleges expect their online enrollment to increase in the future. performed a study that showed that online enrollment is experiences a 9.7 percent growth rate, while the rate for overall college enrollment is at 1.5 percent. In step with that report, a pair of 2011 Pew Research Center surveys reported that half of college presidents said a majority of their students will be taking online courses within 10 years. In a separate study by the Pew Research Center, fifty percent of college presidents think that within ten years, a majority of their student population will be taking their courses online. Additionally, an Eduventure study stated that nearly four million students will be taking classes online by 2014.

The appeal of online courses is undeniable, especially as the quality of technology continues to increase. Interesting enough, some colleges are even turning to online courses to avoid crowded classrooms.  For whatever reason colleges are deciding to make the turn, it is definitely the education of our future.

 

WALK THE LINE...TIMELINE, THAT IS.

So, I really wanted to make this post into a rap.

I thought it would seem more interesting...

Unfortunately, I found out rather quickly that not many words rhyme with with words like "Phoenician"

 and

 "Hieroglyphs"

 

So, here goes a Timeline of Media!

(Complete with all the sarcasm that I assume you'd come to expect from me)

 

IN THE VERY BEGINING....

 

 

 

 

45, 000 B.C. - In modern- day Hungary, a Woolly Mammoth's tooth is carved. This carving was drawn by a Neandrathal. This is the earliest record we have of carvings.

 

40, 000 B.C. - The oldest cave painting is traced back to this date. It can be found in the El Castillo cave in Spain. I wonder if whoever did it got punished, because one time I colored green crayon all over our basement, and it was not considered a momumental historical discovery. People have no appreciation for self-expression anymore, I tell you...  

 23,000 B.C. - Math is found in a Ishango bone. This leads me to believe that the people of this society were dying... of boredom. Why else would they be doing math? It is believed to be a collection of the first set of prime numbers.

 

10,000 B.C.- Earliest lunar calendar is discovered in caves in France. The fact that a lunar calendar was developed shows the intelligence of the people at the time who were required to have knowledge of cycles of nature and mathematics.

 

3500 B.C. - Our story starts in Sumer and Elam, where pictographic writing began.

They used these creative symbols on clay tablets. Eventually, this method of writing turned into the Old Persian language.

3372 B.C. - This is the time when the Mayans started tracking, so that on December 21st we'd be packing! BAM! See what I just did, there? Threw a rhyme at you. Dang, I'm good.... The Mayan Calendar, along with that of the Aztecs, is the most complete and widely understood by Historians. Their timekeeping strategies lead us to believe that they understood the concept of linear time. However, since this is the most talked about Media thing on my timeline these days... I just couldn't help it... I needed to display several memes for your visual enjoyment. I narrowed myself down to three. You're very welcome.

                            

 

                         

                           

 

 

 3000 B.C. - Egypt develops heiroglyphic writing. This writing was greatly influenced by the Sumerian writing that I discussed two posts ago. It is a combination of logographic and alphabetic elements.

2700 B.C - Chinese makes ink out of the grossest combination ever: soot, lamp oil, musk and donkey skin gelatin. Seriously?               Gelatin from donkey skin? How do you even think of that? GROSS. Poor donkeys, always getting a bad rep.... Who else has the word ass in their name? Nobody. Just donkeys. Poor little Jackasses...

 Anyways, they used special ink brushes for the text application.That's all folks.

 

1700 B.C. - Alphabetic symbols appear in Canaan, written by Semites. The Semites are said to have been influenced by the Egyptian way of writing. They developed alphabetic symbols, but left out vowels. What a mystery! Call Scooby Doo! Or maybe Nicholas Cage, because he's wicked smart in those National Treasure movies.

 

1400 B.C. - The oldest record of writing is found in China upon bones and tortise shells. Boy, Mulan really led me astray. She's all nice to that little cricket of hers, but truly, he would've been killed in a second by the Chinese. First, the donkeys. Now, tortises. Where's PETA when you need 'em? The markings on the tortise shells were clear and purposeful, according to historians. This leads us to believe that the writing upon the shells were important, therefore hinting towards a very civilized lifestyle.

1250 B.C. - At this time, Moses brought down the Ten Commandment tablets from Mt. Sinai. This stresses the religious importance of writing at the time.                                                                                                    1200 B.C. - Egyptians use pidgeons for military messages. The Persians also used this way of communication. Pidgeons were trained to carry messages back and forth in a timely fashion. Fast little devils.                                                                                       950 B.C. - The Bible's oldest books are written.  According to Wiki, "the oldest record of the complete text survives in a Greek Translation called the Septuagint." These books complete the Old Testament.

800 B.C. - Greeks improve the alphabet, previous edited by the Semites. They solve the mystery of the missing vowels and add them in! They only write in capital letters.

 

776 B.C. - Those speedy little devils are at it again! Pidgeons are used to bring news of the Olympic people.

 

750 B.C. - Egyptians create a demotic writing, which is a cursive form that is made of heiroglyphs. It was used only for legal and commercial documents. While, heiroglyphs and hieratics were used for all types of writing, demotic was reserved for importance. Which totally reminds me! Do you know that kids aren't learning cursive anymore in school! Serioiusly? That makes sense though, they'll never have to write their signiture. Stupid.

 

600 B.C. - First appearance of Latin appeared by the Romans. Great, now I know who to thank... being raised Catholic, I've got a whole bunch of latin phrases commited to memory that I have no idea what they mean. I'm assuming they're all good though... I mean, they have to be, right? I learned them at church! It's a dead language but many scholars still learn it to feel special... Dona Nobis Pacem! See, there goes my IQ, shooting through the roof!

600 B.C. - A map of the known world, carved on clay tablets is made of Nivevah. This is the first map to date.

530 B.C. - A public library is made in Athens. It is said to have 200,000 volumes. It wasn't until Mark Anthony decided to fall stupidly in love and give away all the books to Cleopatra. This action of "love" emptied the shelves of library forever. I've got alot to learn from Cleopatra apparently, because no one has ever given me a library.

400 B.C. - The Greeks take a lesson from the Egyptians and begin to use carrier pidgeons. According to Wiki, "pigeons were effective as messengers due to their natural homing abilities."

 

386 B.C. - Plato founds the academy in Athens. In fact, he taught Aristotle for twenty years. The school was private, and not open to the public. Rather than teach, the academy posed large questions for the scholars to ponder, for the greater good of the group.

 

335 B.C. - The Lyceum, Aristotle's academy is formed. Aristotle, former student of Plato, taught someone else of greatness. In fact, he was so great that they attached it to his name : Alexander the Great. That's pretty cool that they keep discovering new cool people for the world. It's like how Akon found Lady Gaga, and she surpassed him in every way. Just saying.

 

63 B.C. - Marcus Tullius Tiro invents a shorthand system of writing. He called them Tironian notes. They were used mostly in clergies, but declined in usage after 1100.

 

28 B.C. - Rome builds two libraries: the Octavian and the Palatine. Julius Caesar had wanted to turn Rome into the Intellecual center of the world, however, unfortunately, his besties murdered him. Rough day. Fortunately, his dreams were carried out five years later by the building of these two great libraries.

 

OKAY!!! WHOAAAA!!! BLINK!!
We made it through the B.C.'s.





 

So, get up.

Stretch.

And look at this meme:

 

Here goes the rest of this shenanigan...

 22

 

14 A.D. - Rome sets up a set of relay runners. These runners carried messages over 50 miles in a SINGLE day! Are you kidding me? I can barely run a mile without coughing up an entire lung.... then again, I am American.

 

25 A.D. - Mela publishes a map of the world with climatic latitudes. This came a long way from the Ninevah map.

65 A.D. - Mark writes his first gospel. This gospel describes the life of Jesus, displaying the importance of religious texts during this time. This is believed to be the first of the gospels. 

70 A.D. - Matthew's gospel's estimated date. Interestingly enough,  they do not name an author. It is largely based on the gospel of Mark.

 

100 A.D. - Roman courier go across the empire to deliver government mail. These messengers were usually paid well because of their importance in society.

 

230 A.D. - The Japanese begins keeping historical records. This occured during the Kofun period, when the Yamato court deemed it neccessary.

250 A.D. - The usage of paper spreads from China to the remainder of Central Asia. Papermaking is considered to be one of China's greatest inventions - and for good reason. I mean, even though it is VERY slowly becoming obsolete, we are still using it thousands of years later. Although Mulan was the greatest thing, by far, to come out of China... paper is still pretty cool.
 



350 A.D. - In Egypt, books made of parchment publish the Psalms in wood bound covers. Over and over again, we are shown the importance of religion in early text.

 

391 A.D. - Some person decided it would be a wonderful idea to destroy the Alexandrian Library! Thank you, Pope Theophilus of Alexandria, for being an idiot. I apologize to you, even though you are dead, if you actually did not do it.  But for the time being, I really dislike you. And I critized Mark Anthony for giving Cleopatra his whole library... good thing that was a waste anyway.... since it burned to the ground! This is such a sad story... it really belongs on the Hallmark Channel.  

393 A.D. - 27 books of the New Testament are sanctioned by the Church, therefore, the Christian bible is complete. The guess is that this took place at the Synod of Hippo. However, this is merely a guess made by Christian scholars.

 

550 A.D. - The spread of Buddhism enters Japan. This leads to greater neccessity for book publishing, and increases literacy greatly in this broad area.

 

740 A.D. - The first of newspapers is printed in China. It was called the "Bulletin of the Court" and was read by government officials. It was written on the finest of silk because they were classy like that.

868 A.D. - China publishes the world's oldest block-printed book called "The Diamond Sutra". It is the oldest existing book, I assume, besides the Bible. I should read that, since I'm an English Major and all...

975 A.D. - The pidgeons make history once more! This time, they carry a cherry, which is significant becuase it was the first airmailed parcel. And that's pretty darn cool, if you ask me.                                                                                                                   

1140 A.D. - Egyptians take cloth from mummies in order to make paper. Apparently, there was a paper shortage big enough that they had to borrow it from the dead. That's stooping pretty low, if you ask me.

 

1140 A.D. - The University of Bologna opens as a place to study law. The focus on intellectual stimulus depicts the focus of intelligence at this time. Students were encouraged to broaden their minds and learn law by trade.

 

1148 A.D. - Anna Comnena wrote history of her people (the Byzantine empire). She was the daughter of the Byzantine emperor, which is awesome because she makes history as a woman, and that doesn't happen very often here. They also recgonize that the past holds importance.

 

1168 A.D. - Oxford University is founded. It is now the second oldest university in the entire world.

 

1298 A.D. - Marco Polo travels back to Europe and tells his people of the paper money in China. The people don't believe him. This shows how starkly different the media advances were in China, compared to the rest of the world.

 

1325 A.D. - The King Arthurian legends are written. They are believed to originally be written in Latin. This is monumental because books of non-religious importance are being written.

1340 A.D. - First Madrigal is formed. Although word of mouth stands as a very important aspect to the history of media, the first method of chamber music for pleasure stands as a great feature. This originated in Italy. Apparently the land of Spaghetti is known for something else too!                                                  1440 A.D. - This marks the first date that Gutenberg may have experimented with the printing press. And you know, if you don't succeed, try, try, again! That is, until you die or get arrested!                                                               1451 A.D. - The Printing Press successfully prints an old German poem prints. This marks success for Gutenberg and serves as a huge accomplishment for mankind!

 

1452 A.D. - Gutenberg begins printing the 42-line Bible in two volumes. Like we have seen many times before, religious documents hold an extreme importance in society.

 

1455 A.D.  - A similar bible is printed in Germany. They are a little behind, because they used block print. It was named the "Biblia Paupernum" which is a mouthful, if you ask me.

 

1456 A.D. - Gutenberg's bible is bound. It contains 42 lines and was printed on 6 machines. Only 40 copies remain today, and when sold, are purchased at an extremely high price.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 WOW. SIX HOURS LATER. I AM DONE....

The kind of depressing part? This will take you about 5 minutes to read.

 

I hope you learned something more than how Donkeys have it bad.

 

Don't judge my weirdness. It's 3:08 am.

 

 

 

 

 

 



Creepy van? Free candy? Lost Puppy? You're being stalked!

Remember in first grade when you learned about "stranger danger?"

You know, if someone you dont know walks up to you..

or knocks on your door...

you run away, screaming like a freak.

(This always made for an interesting scene when the Jevohah Witnesses came to my door)

 

 

"Excuse me, miss... do you have time to learn about God?"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

Thanks Elementary school, now everyone thinks I'm the Spawn of Satan.

 

 

Anywyay.... truth is, you;re being stalked.

BAM!

Changed your life, right there.

The reason you don't know?

You're looking for all the wrong signs.

 

You're looking for the Econo-line van

 

 

You're looking for the promised "free candy"

 

 

But what you should be looking for is something VERY different...

 

It's that app that you look during a boring lecture.

It's that website that distracted me so much that I'm already an hour into this post.

 

FACEBOOK!!

 

Yep, they are stalking you. No big deal.

In class, Rob Larson told us that Facebook kept an archive of everything you've ever done.

And that's creepy.

What I found to be creepier, however, is that there is a master password to facebook.

 

 

 

According to Huffington Post, Katerine Losse, employee of Facebook since 2005,

came out with some big news.

She said that not only is there a master password for all usernames, but that employees were given this password immediately upon hire - without even a background check!

Even worse? This password grants the employee access to EVERY single part of your profile.

 

Losse says in her new book, "The Boy Kings" that:

"A Stanford grad introduced me and another newbie to the janky application through which users' emails to Facebook flowed. Once we learned how the software worked, he taught us, without batting an eye, the master password with which we could log in as any Facebook user and gain access to all messages and data. "You can't write it down," he said, and so we committed it to memory.

I briefly experienced stunned disbelief: They just hand over the password with no background check to make sure that I am not a crazed stalker?

Security measures would be implemented later that made it impossible for anyone to use the master password without authenticating themselves as an employee. And a year after that, the password would disappear entirely in favor of other, more secure forms of logging in to repair accounts. But at the beginning, there was only one password. For us, as administrators, everything on Facebook really was there for the seeing."

If you don't believe me, look it up for yourself: CLICK HERE

 

I know you always thought you would be stalked by a creepy old man, with blacked out van windows....

You were looking for the wrong guy.

Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of Facebook, and the most elligible bachelor in the United States is watching your every move.

 

Hey, don't be upset, at least I warned you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



FANTASY FOOTBALL

FANTASY FOOTBALL

Without the success of the media, it wouldn't exist.

God, I love media.

 

 

 

So, this doesn't apply to a class assignment.

But, I've got to throw a little more "randomness in there"

 

So, here's some Fantasy Football poetry for you

(remember no, applause, only snaps)

 

 

"ODE TO FANTASY FOOTBALL"

 

Wife: I hate this time of year, football is so lame!

Husband: Please don't say that babe, you know that it's my game.

 

 

Wife: You're always "fantasy this", "fantasy that"...

Husband: Fantasy is my life! Want to see my stats?

 

 

Wife: That's it! It's either me or football! Here's your test!

Husband: Are you serious? Wait.. just let me draft Best!

 

 

Wife: Do you even have to think about this?

Husband: But what about the season I will miss?

 

 

 Wife: It's between me and a land of pretend!

Husband: I'm so glad you understand. We can still be friends!

 

 

 

 

WIKI: Carrier Pidgeon

As awesome as I thought Hedwig was in Harry Potter...

I always thought it was a bit absurd.

Well, more unrealistic than anything...

 but in the Wizarding World, I guess everything seemed that way.

 

 

 

What I didn't realize, however, was that the idea wasn't so far fetched as I had thought...

and it actually appeared in history! (good one JK Rowling!)

 

In World War 1 and 2, pidgeons were used to convey messages of importance.

Who knew that birds could aid media?

Rob Larson said we could email assignments, or blog them, or tweet them...

Can we send them by bird? Please?